negativity.

At this moment in my life I have no time for negativity. I have found that my witness does not work if I am constantly negative or snarky. This does not keep negativity from creeping in from time to time, but like fleeting thoughts during meditation, I try to acknowledge it and let it pass.

It seems that negativity has overtaken our culture. There seems to be nothing but bad news. Brokenness. Pain. Suffering.

Terrorist attacks, war, natural disasters, murders.

One glance at any news source paints a picture of a world that is in desperate need of some cheering up.

So we have things like this and this and even this.

We look for anything to cheer us up for a few minutes. And then it's over. And then we ridicule it and bury it in negativity.

There are entire television programs that revolve around making fun of popular videos and quasi-popular people. Tune in to one of these shows and you can laugh away your own pain and sadness at the expense of someone else.

This brings me to something I heard in the last few weeks that changes everything:

When interacting with another person just assume that they are doing the best they can.

If you meet someone who is different or other or "less than", try to remind yourself that they are (most-likely) doing the best they can in their specific situation.

There have been times in my life that I look back on and wonder, "What in the world was I thinking?" I can't know for sure what I was thinking, but I would venture a guess that I was doing the best that I could at that moment.

I just finished a great book by Jonathan Martin called "Prototype". The premise of the book is that Jesus is the prototype for the perfect human, in part because he is the Son of God, but also because he never lost sight of his "belovedness". When Jesus comes up out of the waters of baptism, God says, "This is my beloved."

The thing is, God calls us all beloved. We just have a tendency to forget our own name.

The world is so negative and the focus, more and more, seems to be on "spinning" the truth.

We create new avatars for ourselves online. We make ourselves into someone that we are not, mostly because we have completely forgotten who we are, but here is the Truth that doesn't need to be "spun":

You are God's beloved.

When you operate out of the knowledge that you are beloved by the Creator of the universe, in spite of your failings and missteps, there is nothing that the negativity of the culture can do to you. You have conquered the death that this world is trying to sell you.

This is the Good News:

You are loved. You are good. You are wanted.

When everything in the world pulls you toward negativity and shame, you can rest in the knowledge that you are beloved of God and there is nothing that anyone can do to change it.

If that doesn't cheer you up, maybe this will help.

reconciliation.

God is merciful .

This seems so obvious that it is almost pointless to write.

Here's a question:

Is it really that obvious that God is merciful? To the average person on the street, is it clear that God has mercy ready to go for them?

In my life I have done things that I regret. Many things. I have hurt people and acted foolishly. Over and over.

In my life I have also gone to many Episcopal worship services. At most of these services there is a moment for the Confession of Sin, where the congregation collectively confesses their sins (or corporately, if you want the seminary language). At the end of this confession "the Priest alone stands" and pronounces the Absolution (or forgiveness) of God.

So let's recap: I have done many things that I regret and committed many sins. I have also confessed my sins and have been absolved (forgiven) many times. That's simple enough. It's cut and dry.

It's not really that simple, is it? I would like to think that when you read that last section, your mind went to the unresolved mess of regrets (big and small) that you hold onto. If not, I congratulate you, good and faithful servant. If so, its good to see that we are in the same boat.

I would be remiss if I did not bring some scripture into this post, so I will start with the lectionary text from several Sunday's ago. The story of the two sons (or the Prodigal Son) is the classic reconciliation text. A son, who has committed a laundry list of sins, comes back to his father, repents, and is forgiven (in a very fantastic way).

Hold on to this story, I'll come back to it.

My biggest issue with confessing and being forgiven of sins is that I don't know where to begin. On top of that, confessing means bringing someone (or Someone) into the mess that I have created for myself. That last point has less do with my concern for others and more to do with my pride, but that's for another post.

The issue of not knowing where to begin when confessing is where we come back to the story of the two sons.

Something interesting happens when the father sees the son walking towards the house. Fr. Jim Papile says that the father most likely recognized the gait of the son and remembered him sulking as a child, causing him to immediately realize who it was sulking toward him. Before the son can even get close to the house, before he can begin the long speech he's devised to confess his sins, the father is running out the front door towards his son.

The son doesn't even get around to apologizing before the father forgives him. The mere act of returning home, of turning from the sin and walking back into righteousness is enough for the father.

It is the same way with God.

God is ready to forgive before we are ready to confess. When we ready our hearts but have no words, God is ready to forgive. As we sulk our way back home, ashamed of ourselves and unable to imagine forgiveness, God is running towards us - furiously trying to communicate the Love that God feels for us.

If I look up from my shame I can see that God is in front of me, waiting to embrace me and welcome me home.

God is ready to forgive, in fact it has already been taken care of.

The question is: am I ready to be reconciled?

Look up. God is running towards you. Open your arms and embrace the Love that has been there all along.

God's Peace.
CBG

Remain

Reading: John 2-12

In this reading we find the famous and first miracle, or sign, or Jesus - turning water into wine.

The story is rich with double meaning and imagery, as most of the stories in John's Gospel are. What stands out to me is the very last line in this story:

"After this he went down to Capernaum with his mother, his brothers, and his disciples; and they remained there for a few days."

"They remained there for a few days..." That line is so full of possibilities. Jesus just performed an act that is inhuman, an act that points solely to the supernatural - to the Divine. He performed this miracle and then skipped town, as He liked to do. The next story in John's Gospel occurs in Jersusalem, so it can be assumed that this time in Capernaum was spent alone with his disciples. Praying, eating, discussing, laughing - Jesus spent these days with his disciples, showing them the Love of God and being in community with them. It is from these experiences that the first disciples built the Christian Church. Something happened in the time they spent with Jesus Christ that changed them and made them able to start a movement of love and connection with the Living God (something we now call the Church). They remained in that place with the Lord. They weren't worried about this or that, running from meeting to meeting. They remained in the presence of the Lord. 

The same thing that happened in their conversations and dinners with Jesus happens to us in the Breaking of the Bread on Sunday mornings (and whenever we gather in God's name)...at least in theory. Eucharist is so much more than a religious ceremony or rite. It is real chance for us to gather around the Table of the Lord and to experience the same presence and fellowship felt by the women and men who remained with Jesus. 

The ball is our court now. God is here. Jesus is here. The Holy Spirit is here. The Triune God is present in the Breaking of the Bread. Are we present to receive that presence? Do we remain with God? Are we ready to accept the duty and responsibility that comes with taking the Body and Blood of Jesus, in being present in the Eucharist?

The responsibility to "seek and serve Christ in all persons" and to "strive for justice and peace among all people" is real and is placed upon us when we claim to know and to love Jesus. When we share in the Feast that the Lord has provided, when we remain in the presence of the Risen and Living God we are bound to operate by God's rule - "To love God with all your heart, soul and mind; and to love your neighbor as yourself". 

Reflection on Nathaniel's Call

Reading: John 1:43-51

When Nathaniel is told of the Teacher from Nazareth his first reaction is disbelief. It isn't disbelief in the simple, pleasant, "I don't understand" sort-of way...it is snarky, almost cocky disbelief. "Nothing good comes from Nazareth." Nathaniel knew the badlands of Nazareth and he knew the sort of people who came from Nazareth. How could the Great Shepherd come from a place like Nazareth? It's a country village. It's backwoods. It's not as progressive. It's too simple.

Then, in a way that only Jesus could, the whole conversation is flipped on its head. Nathaniel comes to the conversation full of doubt, but he leaves full of hope in the One, True Christ. His faith is in it's infancy, but Jesus tells him to look ahead - ahead to when he will see "angles ascending and descending upon the Son of Man".

We all come to Jesus with doubts. Our preconceived notions cloud our vision of the Divine. "The Christ can't be from Nazareth." "God can't forgive me of all I've done." "I am not worthy to be used by God."

When the smoke clears and the Divine comes into focus we can taste and see that Jesus is calling out to us, saying, "I saw you when you were sitting under the fig tree...but you will see greater things than these."

Jesus says, "I saw you" and because of that, we will see greater things than we could ever imagine.

God's Peace,
CBG

the times they are a changin'

This is it. In two months (give or take) I begin my studies at Virginia Theological Seminary to be formed into an Episcopal Priest. It is hard to believe that the boyish, immature college sophomore who walked into his Chaplain's office three years ago is now packing his things and moving to seminary.

It is hard to describe what I'm feeling right now. Nerves are a given, for this is a big change in my life. The move from small-town Harrisonburg to DC will be...noticeable. Nerves imply a bit of fear, which is not what I'm feeling. The feelings that I have are what I would imagine Peter felt as he took the first step out of his boat onto the sea, following the lead of his teacher. While I am by no means Peter, I do feel that I am responding to a call from Jesus. It is as if he has whispered in my heart, "Come." Countless passages in Scripture tell me not to be afraid, that the Lord is with me. There's the rub! It is purely human to fear the unknown, but it is purely divine to trust in the Lord. God help me.

My prayer is that I remain open to the experiences that I will have over the next three years. For it is in these experiences that I will be formed into the man that God has called me to be - shaking off the dust of the life I've lived before and putting on the Spirit as I am made new. I must not rely on the stories and tales of other peoples experiences in seminary. I must not rely on my own ideas of what seminary will look like for me. Instead of allowing these notions to sully my mind, I must remember to "be still" and trust in the Lord.

I know that I have the support of those around me. My family and friends have stood beside me as I've walked so far, and I have no reason to believe that they will leave my side over the next years. I am not sure of what lies ahead for me at VTS. I am not sure who I will become or how I will change.

I AM sure of a few things: I am sure that God will never leave me or forsake me. I am sure that those whom I love will stay by my side. I am sure that whatever will happen will be good and a joyful thing.

God's Peace,
CBG

Jesus is wrecking my life.

Shaine Claiborne is fond of saying that Jesus wrecked his life. Before he knew Jesus he was cool, he had everything in line, then he read the Gospel and it changed everything.

That is happening to me.

From the inside-out, I am feeling a change happening to me. I am reading the words of Jesus and Paul and modern theologians and it is causing me to take a big step back, away from my current life, and evaluate.

I am not living in accordance with what Jesus said. I am living in excess with blatant disregard for those around me who most desperately need help.

The solitude of my apartment, of this empty college town, is causing me to become uncomfortable in my own skin - in my own ways. Jesus Christ came to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable...that's what He is doing to me.

The good news is - I'm going along with it. As Abraham said, "Here I am, Lord."

Do your bidding. Use me as your hands and feet.

God's Peace,

CBG

"You have nothing to fear..."

This summer has opened my eyes to a lot of things.

I have seen what the work of priest looks like from the inside of a parish. I have been a part of the hours of tedious work that goes into a fifteen minute sermon.

I have felt the pain of criticism from parishioners over my theology. I have felt the sting of solitude, sitting alone in a parish hall waiting for people to show up...to no avail.

I have felt the joy of support from family, friends, and strangers. I have felt the radical hospitality of a family who treats me like one of their own.

The thing that I have learned more than anything though has to do with me, and only me.

I love things. I love to buy things and have things and be around my things. My things have begun to define me.

This is a problem.

I realized this when I StumbledUpon a poem by Littlebear, called "Who are you?"

"You will not leave this place carrying more than you arrived with, so tell me, of what value are material things? You cling so tightly to your imagine self, yet who are you, really? You have nothing to lose, Dear, but your fear of loss."

That changed everything. That poem put my soul onto paper.

Tomorrow I go back to Harrisonburg for the weekend. It will serve as my rediscovery of self.

Out with the old and in with the new. I will spend as much time as is needed to declutter and free myself from the trappings of material possessions.

It will take work. Physical, spiritual, emotional. It must be done.

"You have nothing to lost, Dear, but your fear of loss."

Peace.

CBG